Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hate Loss Challenge update..

Yesterday I was dealing with some anger.  My husband work from 1am to 1pm again and he really wanted to go to bed when the kids and I arrived home.  But I wanted to get in an extra boot camp session.   Since bootcamp was earlier on Tuesday I could go and get back early enough for David to get to bed early.  Wouldn’t you know that Tyler would throw a fit? he wanted to go with me, he didn’t want me to leave.  Why do I have to workout and daddy doesn’t?

I was so mad at myself. Why did I get like this? why did I gain 110 pounds (160 graduation weight to my 273 highest?)?  Why did I decide to do something about it after I had kids and less time?  Why did I completely give my 20’s away?

Of course bootcamp sucked.  it was sprints with some of the nasty things like squat jumps and squat thrust and more.  During the 2.5minute heavy cardio finish My trainer Steve said: “If you are hating me right now then you are putting in the right amount of effort.”  But I wasn’t hating him I was hating me. I did this to myself, he was helping me.

I feel this journey consumes so much of my time and effort.  I am constantly thinking about food and what I am eating.  How many calories, how many carbs/protein.  Did I burn enough calories, did I drink enough water?  I plan my meals 2 weeks out at a time.   ugh..I just want a day that I get up and eat and don’t think about this.

BUT I did make this decision to get healthy, to drop the weight, To allow that hot mama that is inside me to come out.  I know she is there, last week I saw her boob!! they were cute!  the week before my husband was seeing her butt!  This week I am noticing a more defined waist..Today I put on a fitted top with the plan to wear a sweater over it.  That way I could feel hot that I had a fitted top on and but not have to worry about what other thought…it wasn’t like spandex it just wasn’t super loose.  Well before covering up with the sweater I looked in the mirror.  I looked good!  I could wear that shirt without fear of people talking behind my back that I am crazy for wearing a fitted shirt.  I had curves…the good kind.

The craziest thing happened while walking down the hallway, someone stopped me to say how great I looked…”I was melting away”.  At first I tried to push the complement response was “oh I haven’t really lost any weigh I have been bouncing up and down.” but then I remembered that I need accept the complements..I need to believe in what others are seeing.  So I added to my response: “I am really trying to be good with my food, and build up my strength.”  ……Guess what their response was: “IT SHOWS!”

I just want to add that his week I have been tracking my really really tracking my food.  Some things are shocking like the 2 cup of grapes ate up so many of my calories and carbs.  on top of it I am trying to cut back on my Peanut butter…that didn’t work. I was going to try some of Those powdered PBs but then I decided to quit Peanut butter.  This week I made the decision not to buy Peanut butter.  I need to stop eating it by the spoonful…I am in withdraw.  I am watching “I use to be Fat'” and first I have  to say that the trainer is kind of hot!!  Sorry I am off track!  This weeks “former fat person” just described his relationship with peanut butter.  It sounded like mine!  I have had my daily calories but I am so hungry today..I hit my protein goal.  I guess I need to go to bed and not think about it.


Shabby Chic Mom- Susie said...

I bet those compliments made you feel fantastic. You are doing a great job. Love yourself, it feels good.

fatgirlwearingthin said...

You totally NAILED that compliment situation! I'm so proud of the way you handled it, Kristen!! Hold on to the way that all played out and it will be even easier next time. You are really doing great with this challenge and your attitude is contagious. BIG hugs to you :)

Roxie said...

I'm glad you were able to accept the praise. That's great!

Ellie said...

I actually found the trainer in "I used to be fat" to be sort of goofy. Its great that his methods worked (and they really did) but I couldn't help but laugh at some of the things he did and said.

I love peanut butter but I too had to put it away for the greater good. Luckily I haven't been craving it either!

Congratulations on your progress this week. Accepting compliments is a great self esteem booster. When someone notices something you can't (like your weight) it is just a great feeling.

Keep on working!

LoriV. said...

We are always our own worst critics. Accepting compliments without qualifying them is hard for me to, but I am getting better at it. You will too!

Polar's Mom said...

BOOM!!! Hahahahahahaaha. Yes it did get annoying, but I thought they were hysterical, and Jordan did turn out to be a hottie.
Its interesting that you cannot take a compliment, many people seem to feel that, and I was that way, too, but now I have gotten to where I expect them, which is equally as uncool and shirking them off. When people tell me I look good, you know my first thought that I have to squeeze shut in my mouth? 'Yeah I better for all the hell I am going through'. Because it does suck, that we have gotten here, and that we have to take it off, and that it comes off so SLOOOOOOWlY when it went on so QUICK. But it is SO worth it. You reduce your risk for an early heart attack by almost 40% when you get to a healthy weight-that means you earn some bitching odds to get to see your kids get married. So yeah, this all BLOWS, but if it were easy then it wouldn't be a billion dollar a year industry, right? ;-) So don't feel defeated, you can feel fat but not defeated, ok? You are doing so well, down 50 pounds, 20% of your original weight! That's a kindergartener! Keep going girl!

Polar's Mom