Time to start over. I have undone all my work that was previously documented on this blog
So much of what is in this first post is what I am feeling now. I would prefer to do nothing, I want to be the one behind the camera. No photos please! I am sad all the time I try to use food to offset that. Its a downward spiral. One that I am familiar with.
Why did I go down this road again? How to do I get the fuck off this road?
The funny part is people would tell you I am crazy.
Have I still been working out? YES. I even did the Syracuse Half Ironman this year (1.2 swim, 56 Bike and 13.1 run). I was working out more than anyone else.
But I keep gaining weight.
Now I am struggling with the workout portion. Physically its not as easy to workout, and having pain from trying to run at this weight.
In 2011 I was able to get down to 177, For a long time I managed to maintain around 190-203 range. Last summer on August 3rd I was 203, and I finished Irongirl and I felt AMAZING.
I don't know what happened after that. I started to gain I still worked out but I was gaining. I am now at 234 and depressed.
I know I need to track my food but that only lasts till lunch. and by biggest problem is binging on food at night. when everyone is in bed. I need to figure this out....Stay tune!