Hate Loss Challenge week 2

It was not an easy week. I have not felt good about things (ok, the food I have eaten).  I have been cheating and I have not been working-out too much.  With all the stress of the week, too many people have had the opportunity to tell me I am not great.  But I am and they are wrong and they need to get over it!

I am a better person because I am working towards what I want.  The steps I am taking will not hurt someone along the way.  Instead I inspire, I will be a role model to my kids.

On Sunday my husband would not leave me alone after I put on a new size smaller (but still tight) pair of jeans.  I felt pretty darn sexy!

Tuesday icks

This was written Tuesday night but my internet was out.

I don’t know what my problem has been the last few days. I did end up having ice cream sunday night.  I had a Dixie cup – 100 calories.  I didn’t feel bad, I had no guilt it felt right.  That should of alarmed me.  During that night my kids were up every hour.  Ty wet the bed and emma, poor thing, she has a cold and kept waking up from coughing.  At about 230am I was trying to rock her back to sleep and heard my tummy groan. 

Now I normally don’t eat at 9pm so I am sure while I am sleeping it groans a lot ..going 9 hours without food.  But I don’t normally hear it.  Monday morning at 230am I did hear it.  I felt it.  I fed it.

I had an oreo cookie.   then I put Emma to bed only for her to wake about 5 minutes later.  I had another one while I rocked her again.  Then I had a spoonful of Peanut butter.  That morning I weigh myself and I gained a pound.  Do I think the PB and oreo I ate 3 hours before weighing in cost me that pound no…it was the portion control during the day and the day before.  SO I was up a pound and I still had the impact of my cheating to be added in.  Wake up call?

NEGATIVE

I got to work Monday morning after fighting with the kids to eat; to get dressed; that I was sorry I had to take the to Daycare because I have to work; that daddy was not home because it was snowing.  my blood pressure was already up and I was already stressed.  work just went down hill I had a nasty-gram from a very evil person I work with..grr it was just a bad bad Monday.

I battled myself all day.  I wanted to eat. I wanted to seek that comfort from my food.  Instead of focusing on my work, I had to devote about 30% towards telling myself it was not worth it.  At lunch I went to the indoor gym and walked.  I walked as fast as I could. 

The afternoon brought another nasty gram and more stress.  I went to bootcamp.  I took my frustration out on a medicine ball.  It was a great bootcamp.  That night Emma could not sleep.  I had to hold by a vaporizer for her to breath better and get some sleep.  In between my different attempt to lay her down I ate.  I had a spoonful of peanut butter and then another, and then a rice crispy treat and some almond.  I just ate.

I don’t know why I have to eat to feel better but I know its wrong.  I don’t know how to overcome this.  today I again had some chocolate candy's.  I am so tired and so grumpy.  I am sitting here typing and watching the biggest loser and I am not inspired to workout ; I want take a nap and to eat something.  I didn’t workout today but I will workout tomorrow.  I need to get a grip on myself and not let the stress get to me.

So I am looking for suggestions on eat in response to stress and boredom. 

ice cream reward

I just folded 4 loads of laundry…now I am trying to find a good reason why I should not reward myself with ice cream….

“Arming” it up!!

I have always had big arms, even in high school they had a jiggle to them.  Then in college when I gained the freshman 15 every semester (sometimes every month) they just got so big and ugly.  I never wear sleeveless and I hate those cap sleeves.  Sometimes finding a blouse to fit is annoying because I need to go up a size for my arms. 

Case in point, I like this photo from our summer vacation, Minus my arm.

They kind of look like someone took a thigh and attached it to my shoulder in place of an arm.

My arm is larger than my head…well maybe not but that’s what it looks like for me.  I have noticed that since working out at next level and all the strength training that they are smaller and stronger.  But they are still so flabby and undefined.  we have 28 days until we are at the waterpark in a bathing suite.

this is a cropped arm photo taken last Sunday when I was doing my bathing suit test. 

what is that part that is hanging down?  how do I get rid of it?  I certainly plan to have a conversation with my trainer on Monday about this.  I am a country girl and it makes me thing of a cow ready to be milked; what is wrong with me! lol

In the mean time!  I am working my arms!  I have done several push ups each night, and used some dumbbells movements in hopes of gaining ground on this arms situations.  Also after my workouts have started a core routine.  I am really focused on doing the best I can in January.

Yesterday my food was dead on.  I did so good and I was so proud of myself.  I felt so good all day and was very productive.  Then today this morning I found myself snacking when I wasn’t hungry and on food I shouldn’t be snacking on.  it just happened. One minute I was loading the dishwasher the next I was eating.  I was so mad at myself.  But I recovered, I ate well at lunch and limited my portion at dinner.

Lunch was a BLTZ – see here.  Dinner was harder to do.  David and the kids really wanted mac n cheese.  I was not up to making them that and me something else.  So in a medium pan I cooked up some turkey bacon and onions.  once they were done I stirred in about a tablespoon of cornstarch, some salt, pepper and oregano.  Then I added a cup of chicken stock and a 1/4 cup of skim milk.  Once that sauce was all bubbly and thick I added in the cheese (4oz of fontina cheese and 4oz of sharp cheddar).  after the cheese was melted I poured it over my cooked whole wheat pasta.  It was really yummy I wish I could of eaten more or even have some now!

I have not been that good with drinking my water,  its so cold in NY that I have been hitting the coffee a little too much.  I am going to try to cut back on coffee and up my water consumption! that will be my focus for this week!

weekly update with Hate-loss challenge blog

 

I signed up to do the Hate- loss challenge.  you can find the information here:

http://www.fatgirlwearingthin.com/2010/12/26/the-hate-loss-challenge-2011-information-page/

So today is my night to post my progression on the challenge but also on life!

Life first!  Tuesday I weigh in at work and down .6 from the last weigh in on 21 December.  Darn those holidays!!  Now my weigh in day is being moved to Fridays.  I have to lose 5% by 30 March for work but I am aiming for 8%.  Also yesterday we took my measurements.  Knowing that in December my net progress was a gain of 2 pounds I didn’t know what to expect.

	December	January	Difference
Neck	14	14	0
Chest	42	42	0
Waist	38	37.25	-.75
Hips	45	45	0
Thighs	25	23.25	1.75
Calves	17.5	17.5	0
Biceps	15.5	14.5	-1

I am happy with that progress I mean really gain weight but to lose in those areas are great! 

Now for the Challenge.  here are the rules:

Rules:  At least once a day I must attempt to use one or more of these words in my vocabulary about myself and mean it:  strong, courageous, beautiful/handsome, better, unique, remarkable, confident, conditioned, fascinating, pleasing.  I will say the words out loud.   I will listen to how they sound as they are defining me!

Extra credit: mind-blowing, wicked-hot,  awe-inspiring, sexy, sensational.

Now an easy way for me to answer the challenge is to use the word strong. several times this week I have stated that I am strong and stronger.  I was talking about how my physical strength had grown remarkably the last 6 months.  I am very proud of my progress.  But the best way for me to take on the challenge to talk about another phrase.  Self worth.  now I know its not one of the words listed in the rules but finding my self worth has been the key to my success so far.

For years I never put myself first, I never had any sense of my self worth.  I thought I was only worth what I could do for others, for my family, my kids, my boss, for my friends, for anyone but me.  now I value myself,  my time, my energy.  I know I am worth it.  I know my kids will get more out of me even with the time I am away from them while at the gym.  I know I am doing the right thing. 

My friends they comment on my motivation and progress.  They wish they could have the same but they can not afford to be away from their families.  I have been working to motivate them to just 30 minutes a day of some kind of physical activity.  I started an exercise tournament on my other blog..http://szareksden.blogspot.com/  Only 5 days in a several have already done 4 days of workouts or 2 hours of exercise. but none plan to sit back and relax for the rest of the week!  They are thanking me for inspiring them.  I tried to tell them all I did was post on my blog..they are the one’s deciding they are worth it.

this blog is called hot mama in hiding because I have always felt that inside there was a hot person waiting to get out.  and like a vending machine I need to put in the money and effort to get her out.  I never before knew what my inner hottie was worth.  I am close to knowing that now…while I am not sure of the value I keep putting the money/time in until she shows up.

I am not sure if this fulfills the challenge requirements or not but that’s how I am feeling today.  I am not good at standing in the mirror and complimenting myself yet.  But I am making progress.  I am happy that I know I can help someone but mostly I know I am worth all of this!

Reality Check

Its Sunday night after an 11 day vacation.  My alarm will go off at 5am tomorrow…if the kids let me sleep in that long. The week before vacation we were up be for 5pm but then on vacation they “Slept in” till about 530.  The good thing was that we could take the day slow at our pass.  So what is the good thing about going back to work getting back on routine!  Much needed!!

I had high hopes for the week of vacation to get so many projects done. well most of them did not get done till today.  I was finally motivated and at a point with everything else that I could take the time to do it!  I started this morning with cleaning out all the cupboards in my kitchen!

Now I did make use of the extra baking soda I found in my cupboard!  I have all these extra socks with holes in them.  I poured banking soda into two of them that had been doubled up. I used a cup to help me pour the baking soda into them.

now I can slide these into my gym sneakers after my workouts and they can absorb that great smell!  it was so fast and easy.  I only doubled them because of the holes, but I think they will still be able to work because they are not thick.  These are my work dress socks that are so thin.

Also on my to do list was running.  We are going to the indoor water park in 33 days.  33 freaking days. I am excited but nervous.  In 2010 I lost 50 pounds.  But I am still overweight and still not where I want to be.  Especially for a bathing Suit.  I just feel when people see the photos they will be more judgmental.  “She lost 50 pounds and still looks like that"?” So then what did I do..I tried on my bathing suit.  Yeah just to add to my lack of confidence.  it fits the small one from 2 years ago but I just want to look better.  So here is where running comes in.  my 2011 bucket list has “run a 5K” so I figured I would give it a try.  I ran 2.2 miles in 30 minutes that is like a 15 minute mile.  that really will not cut it.  I need cut that time down some to about 12 or 11 minute.  I think I did a 10 minute mile in high school once.  On my fridge is a count down to the water park with big letters “Do you really want to eat that?”  just to make me keep that door shut.  I would hang up a photo of me in the bathing suit but I don’t want to scare the kids!

Well I need to go make my very healthy lunch.  I will be eating very clean and well the next 33 days.  and I will be working out any chance I can! 

Back to bootcamp tomorrow on the normal schedule!! who knew I would be looking forward to that a year ago!

Chobani give-a-way

 

http://danicasdaily.com/chobani-greek-yogurt-giveaway-2/comment-page-2/#comment-21919

check out this website!  I follow it regularly.  She is giving away coupons for chobani greek yogurt

“@danicasdaily is giving The Gift of Chobani to 5 Lucky Winners, click here to enter http://bit.ly/hgkfKv“