do people still blog

Do people still blog?

Do people still read blogs?

Social media has exploded. I miss blogging. I miss this outlet of my feelings and emotions without totally feeling exposed. If on IG or FB I post how I am feeling, it hits your newsfeed or fortou page on TT. I the blog sphere people had to come to your blog for an update. They maybe interested for either positive or negative reason, but they still choose. It's not like I am forcing them to see it. 

Social media "relationships" are odd. I have made really good friendships with strangers. Which is great. But there is also the problem of I have that pressure to folow/friend people bc we are related, work together, ....  when I am revealing my sole I don't always want them to see it. If they stumble on it, that's fine.     It just doesn't  need to come up automatically for them. 

So the short of this rambling 

I feel like  I need to start blogging again for me

Starting from scratch....

Time to start over.  I have undone all my work that was previously documented on this blog

So much of what is in this first post is what I am feeling now.  I would prefer to do nothing, I want to be the one behind the camera. No photos please!  I am sad all the time I try to use food to offset that. Its a downward spiral.  One that I am familiar with.

Why did I go down this road again?  How to do I get the fuck off this road?

The funny part is people would tell you I am crazy.

Have I still been working out? YES.  I even did the Syracuse Half Ironman this year (1.2 swim, 56 Bike and 13.1 run).  I was working out more than anyone else.

But I keep gaining weight.

Now I am struggling with the workout portion.  Physically its not as easy to workout, and having pain from trying to run at this weight. 

In 2011 I was able to get down to 177,  For a long time I managed to maintain around 190-203 range.  Last summer on August 3rd I was 203, and I finished Irongirl and I felt AMAZING.

I don't know what happened after that.  I started to gain I still worked out but I was gaining.  I am now at 234 and depressed.

I know I need to track my food but that only lasts till lunch. and by biggest problem is binging on food at night.  when everyone is in bed. I need to figure this out....Stay tune!

TRI-ing to get in gear.

  A classmate of mine passed away unexpectedly this week, it odd to read the obits about a 35 year old, normally is see my classmates names in the birth announcements or perhaps the engagement/wedding section.  You cant help but think for a moment about your own Obit.  what would mine say...even if I hit my goal weight and maintained that's really not necessary what i would want people to remember be by, certainly not whats going to be written the paper. 

Struggling with the scale for years is like battling an immortal demon.  You are always going to be in that battle.  We have all heard it time and time again you are more than a number on a metal object in your bathroom.  What am I, I am a mom, a wife, a friend.  I am an avid runner, i love the outdoors and the adirondacks.  Happiest lakeside or on a mountain. Of course all these activities would be easier if i weigh less but i still achieve them.  I cant wait till i hit a magic number to live.

On January 1st i decided to sign up for a bucket list item.  Triathalon.  Yes I am doing a 600m swim, 30K bike and 5K run.  It is about 97 days away, and i am not even close to being ready for it.  Today i start a 12 week program (even though i am 13 weeks out).  I have been swimming a few times, i have taken several spin classes and of course i run.

Friday i purchased my bike, i pick it up Wednesday night!  I am going to be swimming weekly at the Ymca but without a coach, this is my weakest area.  I am not good at the turn and breathing thing, of course all the horror stories of getting punched in the face and being ran swam over scare the crap out of me. I have a feeling form my not matter as much as survival skills.

The hardest part of all this is time of course.  I need to fit i training for 3 sports, plus some weight training, oh then there are the kids:  Emma (4) has gymnastics and soccer and Tyler (8) has Soccer and baseball.  This week we had practice each night for something.  My plan is to run/bike home to/from practices/game.

I also need to get nutrition on track.  Last year i did whole30 and i did well with that.  I may do that again.  I need to just think about food as fuel.  Its seriously the late night binges that prove the demon is still within.  Saturday i was 202 pounds, i was exactly that weight in 2011 this weekend. I was able to get down to 177 training for the boilermaker 5k.  So I would think if i stay on course with my training i will see progress.  Also I need to go to bed when my kids do and avoid the kitchen at night.

Speaking of training, i also decided to sign up again for the boilermaker 15k.  This is my 3rd year.  Last year i beat my 2012 time by 7 minutes.  I would like to again see some improvements.  That is about 4 weeks before my triathlon.  so over the next 12 weeks i am training for both the triathlon and a 9.3race.  NO PRESSURE! lol


Its currently raining, windy and 41 degrees (feels like 30) here in CNY.  I have to coach soccer in 90 minutes.  Then its day 1 of the training!!!

Keep on trucking

I have continuted to track my calories each day.  I am averaging about1300-1500 each day (one day up to 1700).  It seems like every where i read it suggests a different calorie goal.

Boot camp has been hard core and I have supplemented a few extra workouts with T25.  Plus I have been able to get in some good runs.  All the runs are on the treadmill but thats all you can do this time of year in Upstate New york.  Friday morning we had a foot of snow.  yesterday it never was warmer than 16 degrees.  We are getting a warm up this week and it maybe around 30 on Saturday.  I am going to try to get out and run!  Next Saturday I am running the 5mile Heart run rain or shine, warm  or cold!!

Man todays bootcamp kicked my butt i am ready for a nap!

Calorie count

Yesterday I tracked my calories for the first time in a very long time. I truly believed that I was coming in around 1500 before my binges.  Not the case.  Closer to 2000 before the 10 feeding frenzy.  It was a bit of an eye opener.  I was very aware of my food today.  Think about what I eat before I eat it.

I am hoping to get a workout in tonight after the kids go to bed.  Tomorrow is Spinning class!

Short post but I need to get a few things done..Like logging my dinner calories before i forget!

Feeling in your legs is optional right?

On Thursday night we do a Hurricane program its similar to the training for warriors program.  its 9 rounds of full on beast mode no rest or breaks.  Just push hard and dig deep.  There are 3 sets with 3 movements each. You cycle thru each set 3 times before moving on to the next set.  The movement in each set is a cardio movement like burpees.  Then it on to more technical like strength or mobility.  For the last week it has been Co-ed.  So of course we can not let the boys beat us!  Between the sled pushes, squat jumps with 30# sandbell, Rope burpees, KB swings i was dead. 

So I hit up the Friday night happy hour another hurricane with swings weighted lunges, RDLs and glute bridges.  Saturday morning smackdown.  Weighted lunges the length of the turf, tons of core work, more RDL, Jump slam Ropes.  With a Squat jump finisher.

My legs are numb right now.  My core on fire.  Tomorrow morning is going to suck!  I am doing laundry today so that tomorrow i can avoid the basement stairs lol!

Nutrition has been better since Posting Thursday.  Last night i did have a Banana with PB at about 9ish. 

41ish days till spring!!

Coming back from Hiding.

I don't know if i deserve to type on this blog.  I have neglected it for so long.  That action Mirrors my life. 

Let me recap the last year.  Jan 2013 my starting weight was about 208 I was able to get down to 190 before going back up to 208 for Jan 2014.  I am still working out, crushing bootcamp!  I have done a lot of repeat runs and improved my times.  Its my eating that is just not in control. I know that you can not out run a bad nutrition program but...but nothing.

I do fine all day.  I drink water all day.  Then the clock strikes 6 and the floor falls out from under me. I drink more coffee (instead of water),  I have an extra snack after dinner.  But the real damage comes later when i binge on PB and nutella or a cookie or two.  If i get stressed at work I do turn to Chocolate. 

Yesterday we had a snow day. Seriously only the 2nd time we have closed ever and we didnt even get that much snow.  About a foot over a 16hr period.  Anyway.  I ended up on this blog reading my posts from 2011 when I was so successful with meeting my goals.  I was in such a different mindset.  I need to get back to that place.  I need to hold myself accountable.  So I need to use this space as place to do that.  Be honest with myself and those they are so kind to visit.  

If I slip up I need to make sure I accept it and move on.  I can not let a slip up become a disaster day.  I need to stick to my training plan and my nutrition.  I need to be stronger at night and go to bed earlier!!

In 6th months I am taking part in my first triathlon.  Its the Iron Girl Syracuse.  I will be in the best shape on that day.  I need to be 100% committed starting now to that event.  It is a bucket list item. I want to do well and finish strong. 

I know I can do this.